I Am a Lamanite.

As we read the Book of Mormon, it is easy to come to the conclusion that the Lamanities are a wicked ruthless people. At times it may seem they don't have one once of goodness in them. Which, at times, might be true. But I think, at least for me, I often stand on the side of the Nephite's, point my finger, and say, "I'm not one of them. I'm a good person." Which is hopefully true too, but not at all a fair statement.

I love the Book of Mormon for many reasons, but two of those reasons that have lifted me and taught me perhaps the most through the years, is what it shows us. There are good people and bad people.

The book spends plenty of time painting the picture of the righteous leaders (King Benjamin, Mosiah), the prophets (Alma the elder, Lehi), rock solid missionaries (Alma the younger, Ammon, the Sons of Mosiah), leaders (Captain Moroni!), the faithful mothers (the mothers of the Sons of Helaman), disciples (the Nephi's, Helaman, Enos, Enoch, and everyone else I didn't mention), and so on. We learn the attributes of what makes them great, what makes them humble, what makes them righteous. We see their amazing faith (the Brother of Jared). We see when they had down times, when they were chastened (the Brother of Jared got chewed out for hours because he didn't pray!), and how they reacted to that chastisement. How they reacted to their trials and persecutions, how they responded to the commandments of the Lord. How quickly and fully they repented when they realized their follies. The Book of Mormom shows us perfectly how we should live our lives and how we can handle each and every situation in life.

You'd think that would be enough right?! We see all the good and how we should be. Ultimately, how we can be like Jesus Christ. How to live as He did, and how He would have us live.

But that's not enough. And I'm grateful that's not all it includes.

The Book of Mormon also shows us the wicked side, or perhaps better stated, the natural man.

Mosiah 3: 19  For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.

We all have the natural man in us. It's not easy for me to put off the natural man all the time. It's not easy for me to be as the faithful people I mentioned above. But reading about the above mentioned people shows me it is POSSIBLE to be that way. It gives me HOPE that I CAN overcome the natural man.


The other day I was reading in 3 Nephi 3. It talks about the Gadianton Robbers (who in our day could be compared to some certain unnamed groups). They had secret oaths, lived in caves, and desired to take down everyone who opposed them. Their leader wrote the Nephite leader a letter, basically telling him to join them or they will all be destroyed.

Verse 4 really struck me:

"...and knowing of their everlasting hatred towards you because of the many wrongs which ye have done unto them..."

I know I've read this many times. And the scriptures mention this same fact over and over again. The Lamanites are bitter toward the Nephites because they feel like the Nephites wronged them. It started with Laman and Lemuel. They lacked faith (as a wise Bishop once taught me). They lacked faith to see the hand of God in their lives. They lacked the faith to understand that the trials and challenges they were facing and going through were really God preserving them and blessing them. They felt that their father Lehi had wronged them, by taking them away from Jerusalem and out into the wilderness, and eventually to the Americas. They felt that their brother Nephi had wronged them by being their leader (as he was called of God to be). They couldn't see past the end of their noses to see the good that was happening in their lives. And because of that, they lived hateful vengeful lives. An attitude that they passed down from one generation to the next for hundreds and hundreds of years!!

All because they felt they were wronged.

That statement invokes in me a sense of sympathy for them. They were people just like me and you. I bet they were popular. Maybe they had a lot of friends. They weren't poor, their father was a prophet. I'm sure they started out pretty normal. I'm also sure that they envisioned a life totally different than what they ended up with! (Really, who would envision the life they lived. I don't think many of us dream about leaving all of our belongings and wandering in the wilderness and starting our own civilization). The point is, they were people, probably much like you and me. They had feelings and emotions. They wanted a good life, and they felt like because of someone else they were wronged. They were denied the life they would have enjoyed.

Do you ever feel like that? I do. I have felt like that a lot in my life. My parents were divorced when I was four. My mom had to go back to school, and because of these changes in my life and many things after, I went through a period in my life where I definitely felt that I was wronged! I didn't get to have a happy healthy home life to grow up in. I didn't get a lot of things. And just as the Lamanites, I was bitter. Angry at my parents, angry at others. Just like the Lamanites, that anger turned to selfishness. The Lamanites were SUPER selfish!! Even among the Nephites, selfishness caused contention and war. My selfishness stemmed from my feelings of being "wronged". Maybe we have felt "wronged" by someone at church. "They weren't nice to me when I was new" or "they didn't respond to my comment the way I wanted them to." "Those kids didn't include me and I felt left out" "The Bishop didn't let me  do what I wanted to do." "They don't teach good enough lessons", even going as far as, "When I was struggling no one from the church came and helped me." There are so many reasons we can feel wronged, or perhaps in a more familiar term, that we get offended. And we leave the church. We are Lamanites. When I moved to Utah in 7th grade I totally got offended by other kids in my class, even by adults, who judged me and criticized me because I was different. Because I wasn't perfect. And I turned away from the church. But I never lost my testimony. I'm grateful for that, because I eventually realized the follies of my ways and came back. I LOVE this quote I got in my inbox the other day,

Change...

   “We are taught you must blame your father, your sisters, your brothers, the school, the teachers - but never blame yourself. It's never your fault. But it's always your fault, because if you wanted to change you're the one who has got to change.”

― Katharine Hepburn

So what if your situations are what they want. So what if it's because they are because of the actions of someone else. Are we going to be as the Lamanites and keep that hatred in our hearts for generations? Yes, I validate your feelings! I want validation for my own feelings. It's painful!!! It is painful. At times I wanted justice for those I felt wronged me. I wanted to feel better... but that doesn't help me feel better. I want to be as Alma and the sons of Mosiah, and as the Anti-Nephi Lehi's and repent so well that I have no desires to return to my sins. That I can have the desires to share the truth I've found with others, like in Elder Bednards talk (READ IT!! I love it!)

What helps me feel better is the healing balm of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. He can heal me. He can validate me and help me find faith! Find faith in God's plan for me! Help me recognize that my trials are for my ultimate preservation! In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, we often talk about the Plan of Happiness. That this life is just a short time in the eternal scheme of things. That we are here to be tried and tested. Yes, I believe it. I know it's true. I know we'll have challenges and trials and hard things to prove us and to test us. But do I want it for me? No. Go ahead and test everyone else, but please make my life easy. HA! Sorry sista, it doesn't work that way (saying that to myself). A few times in life I have stopped and wondered why I got the short end of the stick. Why is life SOOOO hard. And every once in a while I feel comforted to know that what I'm going through gives me perspective into the lives of countless others. We may feel alone in our stuggles. We may feel that we are the only ones that feel this way. But we aren't. I think we all have similar feelings and emotions. I think while we might all go through different struggles, the feelings we walk away with are very much the same. And I love that even more than anyone else, our Savior KNOWS! I saw a quote on Instagram the other day,

When you feel like you're "drowning" in life's situations, don't panic.

Your lifeguard walks on water.

- @the36thavenue.com

So back to what I was saying at the beginning. There is a reason why the Book of Mormon also goes into great details about the characteristics and attitudes of the "wicked". Because even though we may be "Nephites", following Gods plan, walking on the path of righteousness, keeping the commandments. We all have those natural tendencies that may lead us to the dark side. lol. But honestly, how can we know what we need to change, what we need to be aware of in ourselves, if we don't know what the wrong attitudes and habits are. We must see the light and the dark to tell the difference of night and day. Perhaps we're not Nephites at all. Perhaps we don't even realize that there is a side we must chose. There is, and one day we must all make that decision.

I love the Book of Mormon. I love the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am working on loving everyone I meet, including those that may also be in the church. But I have long overcome the tendency to connect imperfect people with the beautiful light of the gospel of Jesus Christ. It breaks my heart when I hear about people who shut the door on the Lord because of what an imperfect human has done. Let us not be Lamanites. But rather let's do as Elder Uchtdorf said in the October 2014 general conference talk, "Lord, is it I?"

"It was our beloved Savior’s final night in mortality, the evening before He would offer Himself a ransom for all mankind. As He broke bread with His disciples, He said something that must have filled their hearts with great alarm and deep sadness. “One of you shall betray me,” He told them.

"The disciples didn’t question the truth of what He said. Nor did they look around, point to someone else, and ask, “Is it him?”

"Instead, “they were exceeding sorrowful, and began every one of them to say unto him, Lord, is it I?”¹ 

"I wonder what each of us would do if we were asked that question by the Savior. Would we look at those around us and say in our hearts, “He’s probably talking about Brother Johnson. I’ve always wondered about him,” or “I’m glad Brother Brown is here. He really needs to hear this message”? Or would we, like those disciples of old, look inward and ask that penetrating question: “Is it I?...”

"In these simple words, “Lord, is it I?” lies the beginning of wisdom and the pathway to personal conversion and lasting change."