Lessons learned from lessons I teach my children

During the dinner prayer my son prayed, "and bless mom that she won't yell anymore." That wasn't the first time he's prayed for that.

After the kids were in bed and I was rearranging my living room - it's the first day of school tomorrow and let's be honest, I pretty much need a life makeover right now. My life - I have limited control over, my living room - I have majority control over. I needed change I could control.

Anyway, as I did that I thought about his prayer. I thought about all the reasons why I yell. I'm mad, I'm frustrated, I'm impatient, no one is listening to me, I need help and no one is helping me, I'm stressed out, I'm overwhelmed, I'm unhappy, I'm lonely, I feel unloved. There is no simple answer here. And there is no simple solution.

To back track a little bit, I've been really wrestling lately trying to figure something out: what exactly is faith and how do I have more of it? Where is the balance of me doing all I can do, and letting the Lord do His part? How much do I have to give in order to call down the blessings from heaven that we so desperately need? And how do I give anything at all when all of my ability is taken away from me? What should my faith look like in order to receive the promised blessings that I've been given?

It's been frustrating, overwhelming, discouraging, and sometimes a somewhat hopeless battle that I don't feel I'm going to win. There is definitely a connection between what we do for ourselves and what God does for us, but I have no idea what that connection is and how to use it most efficiently and effectively.

So back to my son's prayer. I pictured this conversation between my son and God. My son asking God that I won't yell anymore. Interjected with all the reasons I yell, and then how God isn't going to just snap His fingers and make it so I don't yell. I do know it doesn't work that way.

Then inspiration hit. As I turned over to God's side of the conversation I knew that this was His response, "You don't want your mom to yell anymore, so let's work together to make that happen."

I pictured the conversation I would have with my son to teach him that lesson. To teach him that while I ultimately am responsible for myself, if he is going to pray for something, part of praying for it is then being willing to work with God to do his, my sons, part to help that come true.

My son actually came upstairs and we did have this conversation and my son is incredibly wise. I asked him what happens after he prays for something? Does God just make it so? He said, "no. He helps us to work for it." (I'm so proud of him!!)

We talked about the reasons why I yell. We talked about how him and his siblings can work on listening better, being more obedient, and not fighting. I told him how much I appreciated every time that he gives me hugs and how much it helps me, as well as the times his sister tells me that she loves me. I told him how doing small things, even when he doesn't want to, helps him in the end. Because then I don't yell.

My children have been talking about the times that their teachers have yelled in the past. So we talked about the responsibilities that their teachers have and how difficult that must be sometimes. We talked about what he can do to help his teacher. How he can be kind and show her love, thank her, and be on task and listen - to help her out.

I don't try to put the burden of others emotions on my children. I am very clear about that, that it is not their responsibility. But we are very open about our own emotions and how others might be feeling and what things we can do to help them, and each other.

We talked about other kids he might meet at school. How they might be scared or feel lonely. How saying hi and being a friend can strengthen them and bless them.

There is truth that in stepping outside of our own emotions and feelings, and focusing on loving others, we actually feel better ourselves, and our problems are no longer our problems.

Anyway, long ramble. But in the end I learned that for my own circumstance and struggle of faith, and wrestle to obtain the blessings and answers we need, God is saying the same thing to me. "So this is what you want? Let's work together to acheive that."

There is no simple answer. There is no one size fits all. There is no formula of, "if I do this everyday than I will achieve it". Except for the formula of, prayer: pondering, asking, listening, and doing. Doing it with the Lord. That is faith. That is how we receive. Not by doing it on our own, or doing it our way. And not by stepping back to let the Lord do it all. It's about team work. And He's the team leader.

I feel like one of the greatest blessings of being a parent is all of the lessons I learn from the lessons I try to teach my children. Being a parent has not necessarily made me a better parent. But being a parent has definitely helped me to be a better daughter. And I'm grateful to know that my parent is the perfect parent. The perfect example of what type of parent I should be. Maybe one day I'll get closer to being as good of a parent as Him. ;)

So here is to being a team player. To listening to the council and wisdom of one who always knows best, and always has the answerers. Here is to not yelling in answer to a sons prayer. Here is to having faith and moving forward - on the Lord's plan, not mine. Here is to trusting. Letting go and trusting that He knows what He's doing, even when, and especially when, I don't understand. Here's to doing it anyway.

And here is to one last moment of gratitude to Him who gives us our answers in the strangest of ways. Mine of which always seem to come when I'm trying to teach that same principle that I myself need. ❤